Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Writings

The opening credits of The Simpsons shows Bart Simpson writing the same
sentence over and over again on a chalkboard, the old "write it
100 times" punishment,which establishes him as a troublemaker.
Each episode is different.  Someone apparently went to the trouble
of taping all the Simpsons, watching them all and writing down what
Bart is writing on the board.

These are the collected writings of Bart Simpson from the opening credits.

I will not cut corners
  " " "
  " " "
  " " "
A burp is not an answer.
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy.
Bart Bucks are not legal tender.
Coffee is not for kids.
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
Funny noises are not funny
Garlic gum is not funny.
Goldfish do not bounce
Hamsters cannot fly
High explosives and school don't mix
I am not a 32 year old woman.
I am not a dentist.
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
I am not deliciously saucy.
I did not see Elvis.
I do not have diplomatic immunity.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will finish what I sta
I will never win an emmy.
I will not aim for the head
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not bribe Principal Skinner.
I will not bring sheep to class
I will not burp in class.
I will not bury the new kid
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes".
I will not call the principal "spud head".
I will not carve gods
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
I will not conduct my own fire drills
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not do that thing with my tongue.
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I will not drive the principal's car.
I will not eat things for money
I will not encourage others to fly
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty
I will not fake my way through life.
I will not fake seizures
I will not get very far with this attitude.
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment.
I will not instigate a revolution
I will not make flatulent noises in class
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball.
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not sell miracle cures.
I will not sell school property.
I will not show off {Written in an Old English font}
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not sleep through my education.
I will not snap bras
I will not spank others.
I will not squeak chalk
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not trade my pants with others
I will not waste chalk
I will not Xerox my butt
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom.
I will not yell "She's dead!" during roll call
I will return the seeing-eye dog.
It's potato, not potatoe.
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
My name is not Dr. Death
No one is interested in my underpants.
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
Organ transplants are best left to professionals.
Spitwads are not free speech
Tar is not a plaything.
Teacher is not a leper
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
The Christmas pageant does not stink
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan".
The principal's toupee is not a frisbee
There are plenty of businesses like show business.
They are laughing at me, not with me
This punishment is not boring and meaningless
Underwear should be worn on the inside.